Hilarious Drink Puns: 80 Toast-Worthy Jokes & One-Liners

Let’s perk up your day with a splash of laughter. Here’s a heady mix of jokes about your favorite subject – drinks! From whiskey wisecracks to beer belly laughs, we promise a round of fun-filled ‘spirit-ed’ amusement.

Get ready to be shaken and stirred by our collection of 80 drink puns that are sure to leave you giggling.

Table of Contents

Top Alcohol Puns to Lift Your Spirits

Prepare yourself, my jolly friends! Here, we pour out a hearty cocktail of humor, serving up 25 of the best drink jokes to lighten your spirits.

Why don’t we ever tell secrets at a bar? Because the liquor might spill!
Why did the lemon go to the bar? It heard they served bitter drinks!
What’s a bartender’s favorite Christmas song? ‘Gin-gle Bells’.
How does a drink wish you a happy birthday? It raises a toast!
Why did the beer go to a party? Because it heard there would be plenty of drafts!
Why was the grape at the bar so relaxed? It had a ‘wine’ down!
What’s the sun’s favorite drink? A solar cooler!
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates!
What did the whiskey say to the ice? “You cool me down when I am about to lose my temper.”
Why did the rum break up with coke? It wanted to be served ‘neat’!
What do ghosts drink when they are hot and thirsty? Ghoul-aid!
Why did the champagne apply for a job? It heard there was a lot of bottle-necks!
Why did the tap beer feel superior to the bottled one? It claimed to be “on tap” talent!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary!
Why was the cocktail a good comedian? It always cracked people up!
How do you know if you’re a true wine lover? When you have a ‘grape’ expectation!
Why was the soda feeling bad? It was soda-pressed!
What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician with milk-shake hands!
Why did the cocktail umbrella seek therapy? It had an issue with being opened up!
What’s an astronaut’s favorite drink? Gravi-tea!
Why was the glass of water insecure? It often felt ‘half empty’!
What did the Tequila say to the Lime? “You add zest to my life!”
How does a cup of hot chocolate bid goodbye? “I’m cocoa for now!”
Why did the tea bag stay at home? It was a little steep!

Stay tuned, the next round of laughter is on its way!

Refreshing Drink Puns for a Chuckle

Now, fasten your sip belts, folks! We’re steering into pun territory, where our drinks come with a twist of wordplay. Here are 25 drink puns that will get your ‘punny’ bone tickling!

I used to hate gin, but it’s growing on me. I guess it’s a case of ‘slow gin’ fizzle.
I know a guy who collects beer cans. He’s just so ‘hoppy’ doing it!
That cocktail really mixed my feelings. Call it a ‘stir’ of emotions!
My friend, a bartender, really knows how to ‘raise the bar’!
The coffee was super hot today. It was really ‘brew-tal’!
Why was the fruit juice gossiping? Because it couldn’t keep a ‘lid on it’!
Tea puns are my ‘cup of tea’!
My friend asked me if I like wine. I said, “You bet ‘chardonnay’ do!”
Water you doing reading these drink puns?
The beer said to the whiskey, “Brew’ve got a friend in me!”
I’m reading a book about tequila. It’s a real ‘shot’ story!
Coffee can be such a ‘brew-tiful’ thing in the morning.
Wine not enjoy a glass of pun with your drink?
The whiskey said, “Barley knew you, but rye not be friends?”
The soda can said to the water bottle, “Stop being so ‘cap-tious’!”
The glass of lemonade had a really ‘zest-ful’ life.
You’re ‘brew-tiful’ to me, dear coffee.
The juice box was feeling really ‘squashed’.
When life gives you lemons, make some ‘pun-ch’!
The ice cube told the glass of water, “You’re just ‘cool-aid’!”
The coffee told the milk, “You really ‘espresso’ me.”
I tried to catch some fog. I ‘mist’.
A margarita is just another ‘lime’ of defense against boredom!
The bottle said to the cap, “You really ‘screw’ me up!”
The coffee said to the sugar, “You’re the ‘sweetest’ part of my ‘grounds’!”

So, wine-d down and enjoy a good ‘pun-ch’. Cheers to that!

Quick Drinking One-Liners to Quench Your Humor

Hold onto your glasses, folks! We’re about to serve you a straight shot of humor. Here’s a neat pour of 30 drink one-liners to tickle your funny bone and wet your whistle!

I only drink on days that start with “T”: Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, and Thunday.
My doctor says I need glasses… well, preferably filled with wine.
They say love is like a fine wine; I say it’s more like whiskey. Sometimes it’s sweet, sometimes it burns.
When life hands me lemons, I make lemonade… and then hunt for someone who has vodka.
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve already lost three days!
I’ve quit drinking for good. Now, I drink for evil.
I told my doctor I couldn’t possibly be an alcoholic. I only drink once a day.
Instant human: Just add coffee.
Sip happens. It’s okay to wine.
I’m not a beer snob. I’m just brew-tifully selective.
I’d tap that… keg, of course!
Beer doesn’t ask silly questions. Beer understands.
My blood type? Cabernet Sauvignon.
Whiskey is the answer… but I don’t remember the question.
There’s always time for a cocktail. If not, you’re not looking hard enough.
I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink. I already have one.
Coffee: because adulting is hard.
Why limit happy to an hour?
Wine flies when you’re having fun.
Life is brew-tiful.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
I drink coffee for your protection.
Age gets better with wine.
Beer: the reason I wake up every afternoon.
Alcohol won’t solve your problems. Then again, neither will milk.
Espresso yourself!
Drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic.
The best beers are the ones we drink with friends.
Save water, drink wine.
If you don’t drink, how will your friends know you love them at 2 am?

Last Call: Final Thoughts on Alcoholic Puns

Well, folks, that’s all the liquid laughter we have on tap today. Remember, whether it’s a coffee roast or a cocktail toast, there’s always a splash of fun waiting in your glass. Don’t forget to share these jokes, puns, and one-liners with your friends. The next round of giggles is on us. Keep smiling and sipping, dear readers. Until next time, cheers!