Hilarious James Bond Jokes & Puns: 007 Humor Unleashed

Are you shaken or stirred by a good laugh? Well, we’ve got your license to chuckle with these 40 funny James Bond jokes.

Whether you’re a die-hard 007 fan or just a casual viewer, these jests will make you feel like you’ve hit the comedy jackpot – Bond style.

Table of Contents

Best James Bond Jokes: Laugh with 007

Now that you’re on board, let’s dive into the world of wit and humor, Bond style. Here are our top 15 favorite James Bond jokes that will leave you shaken with laughter.

Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed? Because it would blow his cover!
What’s James Bond’s favorite type of exercise? Spy-nastics!
How does 007 take his coffee? Shaken, not stirred. And with a shot of laughter.
Why did James Bond start attending therapy sessions? He couldn’t handle his ‘Bonding’ issues!
What’s James Bond’s favorite part of the joke? The punch line, delivered with a knockout blow!
Why does James Bond never play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when your theme music follows you everywhere.
What is James Bond’s cooking speciality? Espi-ghetti!
Why doesn’t James Bond use paperclips? Because he’s afraid they’ll get “Bent… not straight.”
How does James Bond always finish his missions in time? Because he knows the tick-‘tock’ of the espionage clock!
Why does 007 always carry a pencil? In case he finds himself in a tight ‘draw’!
How does 007 avoid speeding tickets? His charm is the ultimate ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card.
What’s James Bond’s favorite part of a tree? The secret ‘branch’!
Why doesn’t James Bond tell knock-knock jokes? Because he prefers to enter without knocking.
What do you call it when 007 takes a break? A brief ‘Bond-fire’!
Why does James Bond never lose at cards? Because he plays it close to his ‘vest’!

Pull up a chair, get comfy and prepare for some giggles. We’re just getting started!

Side-Splitting James Bond Puns to Share

Let’s switch gears from jokes to puns, because who doesn’t love a good play on words, especially when they’re 007 themed? Here are our top 15 James Bond puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone.

When James Bond writes his biography, it’s sure to be a ‘Novel-ty’.
I once ate at the same restaurant as 007, I had the Bond Biryani.
James Bond’s favorite vegetable? Spy-nach.
The preferred pasta of secret agents? Maca-roni and sleaze.
Why was James Bond at the bakery? He heard they had excellent spy-dough!
When 007 goes farming, he drives his Trac-tour.
James Bond’s favorite fruit? Lem-on the secret.
I heard 007 started a workout routine, it’s his new Bond-y Building project.
What’s James Bond’s favorite type of music? Spy-ce Girls!
007’s favourite fish? Gold-fingerling.
What does Bond do when he’s confused? He’s shaken, not ‘s-tired’.
When James Bond plays golf, it’s always ‘Under-par’.
James Bond’s favorite holiday spot? Secret ‘Agent-ina’.
007’s favourite flower? Tulips on a ‘kiss-pionage’.
Why does James Bond always carry a map? So he doesn’t get caught in a ‘spy-ral’!

Buckle up, because we’re not done yet! There’s still plenty of Bond-themed humor to enjoy.

James Bond One-Liners: Quick-Wit of 007

One-liners are the secret weapon of comedy, and who does secret weapons better than James Bond himself? Let’s hit the bullseye with these 10 zippy Bond-themed one-liners.

You know you’re a James Bond fan when your martini is shaken, not your confidence.
As a secret agent, my sense of secrecy is so profound, even I don’t know what I’m doing.
“007 here, on a mission to live, laugh, and dodge the bullets.”
I’d like to live like Bond, but my credit card says otherwise.
“Call me Bond. I’m saving the world, one cocktail at a time.”
When life gives you lemons, make a martini and think of Bond.
“007 isn’t just a number, it’s a lifestyle.”
If James Bond were a cat, he’d have 007 lives.
The life of a secret agent – all fun and games until the laser is pointed your way.
“Being James Bond? It’s all about the three S’s – Style, Sophistication, and Secret missions.”

Final Thoughts on Bond’s Humorous Side

In the world of James Bond, laughter is indeed the best weapon. So whether you’re a fan of Bond movies, or simply love a good laugh, these jokes, puns, and one-liners serve up humor, 007 style. Remember, life’s too short not to laugh, especially when James Bond is involved.