Top 120 Snake Jokes & Puns: Hiss-terically Funny One-Liners

Slither into a world of laughs and prepare to coil yourself around some ‘hiss’-terical snake jokes.

Whether you’re a seasoned herpetologist or simply looking for a good chuckle, these 120 snake jokes and puns will leave you hissing with laughter.

Scales, tails, and plenty of humor await you.

Slither into Laughter: Best Snake Puns and One-Liners

Let’s slither into the world of puns where our serpentine friends are the stars of the show. Get ready to be charmed by these 90 rib-tickling snake puns.

1. Why don’t snakes have energy for a fight? Because they don’t have any adder-renaline!
2. What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long? A π-thon!
3. Why did the snake break up with the string? She found him uncoil-ed.
4. What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing constrictor.
5. Why don’t snakes need advice? They have their own scales of justice.
6. Why was the snake the best salesman? He was a great adder-vertiser.
7. What’s a snake’s favorite subject? Hissss-tory.
8. What kind of snake does your math homework? An adder.
9. Why do snakes always know the measure of their weight? They keep their own scales.
10. What’s a snake’s favorite dance? The mamba.
11. Why was the snake a great comedian? He knew how to squeeze out a laugh.
12. What do you call a snake who works for the government? A civil serpent.
13. What type of snake likes to build things? A boa constructor.
14. What do you call a snake that bakes? A pie-thon!
15. Why did the snake refuse to lend money? He was a real constrictor.
16. Why don’t snakes make good tennis players? Because they can’t hold rackets.
17. Why did the snake get a promotion? He scaled his way up.
18. Why did the two snakes break up? Because one had a crush on the other.
19. What do you call a snake that tells time? A python-second!
20. What do you call a snake who became a lawyer? Hissss-ter of the court.
21. Why don’t snakes use Amazon? They prefer to shop in the Python Store.
22. What’s a snake’s favorite magical spell? Abra-ka-dangle!
23. Why did the snake sit on the watch? He wanted to be a ‘wrist’-taker.
24. Why did the snake fail its driving test? Too many hiss-takes.
25. What do you call a snake in film school? Monty Python.
26. Why do snakes always get the job done? Because they’re never ‘coiled’ off guard.
27. Why don’t snakes become musicians? They can’t pick up any instruments.
28. What’s a snake’s favorite clothing material? Sssssatin.
29. Why are snakes bad at making promises? They tend to slip up.
30. Why was the snake a good poker player? He had a great poker ‘fssssace’.
31. What do you call a snake who loves playing cards? A wild card cobra.
32. Why did the snake become an accountant? He was great with numbers.
33. What do you call a snake in an orchestra? A ‘pit’ player.
34. What’s a snake’s favorite classical composition? Sssssaint-Saëns’ Symphony No. 3.
35. Why did the snake become a baker? He was a pro at rolling dough.
36. Why do snakes never lose at hide and seek? They blend in hissssterically well.
37. What’s a snake’s favorite sea creature? Eel.
38. What’s a snake’s favorite drink? Coiled water.
39. Why don’t snakes ever rush? They can’t run.
40. What’s a snake’s favorite transport? A coil-o-copter.
41. Why did the snake go to school? To improve his ‘hiss’-tory grades.
42. What do you call a snake who’s great at pool? A ‘cue’-bra.
43. What’s a snake’s favorite type of joke? ‘Pun’-strictors.
44. What’s a snake’s favorite gem? Emerald boa.
45. What do you call a snake who’s a gifted painter? Leonardo da Vinsssi.
46. Why do snakes make great secret agents? They’re sssso covert.
47. What’s a snake’s favorite band? The Rolling Ssstones.
48. What’s a snake’s favorite sci-fi movie? Sssstar Wars.
49. Why are snakes great at math? They know when to adder and subtract.
50. Why do snakes never need to cut? They always shed.
51. What’s a snake’s favorite city? Ssssydney.
52. Why did the snake start a landscaping business? He knew the grass was greener.
53. Why are snakes terrible at making beds? They can’t fold sheets.
54. Why don’t snakes play golf? They can’t grip the clubs.
55. What do you call a snake that tells jokes? A stand-up serpentine.
56. What’s a snake’s favorite car? A Ssssubaru.
57. Why do snakes make excellent detectives? They always get their fang into the case.
58. What do you call a snake that always picks up the check? Generoussss.
59. Why did the snake go to the casino? He felt lucky.
60. What’s a snake’s favorite exercise? Ssssit-ups.
61. Why are snakes great critics? They give sssstinging reviews.
62. What’s a snake’s favorite pasta? Sssspaghetti.
63. What do you call a snake with an attitude? Ssssassssy.
64. Why are snakes terrible at social media? They can’t hold phones.
65. Why did the snake fail at chess? Bad check-mates.
66. What do you call a snake that likes to spin? A round-boa.
67. What’s a snake’s favorite candy? Gummy worms.
68. Why did the snake get an award? He had rattled the competition.
69. What do you call a snake that’s an author? J.K. Rowling.
70. What’s a snake’s favorite condiment? Sssssriracha.
71. What do you call a snake who loves Christmas? Mistletoe boa.
72. Why did the snake go to therapy? He couldn’t let go of his past ‘ssssins’.
73. What do you call a snake that’s a mechanic? A fix-it adder.
74. Why did the snake join the circus? He was a natural at the ring toss.
75. Why don’t snakes like fast food? It’s hard for them to catch.
76. What do you call a snake with a great voice? A singaconda.
77. What’s a snake’s favorite TV show? Sssssurvivor.
78. Why don’t snakes make good basketball players? They can’t dribble.
79. What do you call a snake that’s a good listener? All ears boa.
80. What’s a snake’s favorite mode of communication? Hiss-teria.
81. Why don’t snakes drink coffee? They prefer Python tea.
82. What do you call a snake with high morals? A viper-tuous.
83. What’s a snake’s favorite part of a joke? The punch-hiss.
84. Why did the snake start a band? He loved to wrap around the mic.
85. Why did the snake go to a party? To ssssocialize.
86. Why don’t snakes write essays? They get tangled in words.
87. What do you call a snake that likes spicy food? A Jalapeño Viper.
88. Why did the snake go to the museum? To see the hisss-torical artifacts.
89. What’s a snake’s favorite accessory? A rattle.
90. Why did the snake become a poet? Because he could rhyme in coils.

There you go! Those are the 90 snake puns!

Hiss-terical Snake Jokes: Our Top Picks

We’ve hissed and punned, now let’s rattle some funny bones. Brace yourself for these 30 best snake jokes that will have you laughing up a ‘serpent’ine storm!

1. Why don’t snakes bite lawyers? Professional courtesy!
2. What do you call a snake who works in an office? An em-ployal-python!
3. Why did the snake go on a diet? He didn’t want to become a “wide” python.
4. Why did the snake fail at school? He couldn’t keep his mind on the boa-rd.
5. How do snakes end a fight? They hiss and make up.
6. Why was the python so good at school? Because he was top of his ‘clasp’.
7. What do you call a snake who’s an expert at making bread? A dougha constrictor!
8. What did the snake give to his wife? A goodnight hiss.
9. What’s a snake’s favorite TV show? Monty Python.
10. How can you tell if a snake is a baby? It has a rattle!
11. Why did the snake cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
12. What do you call a snake that bakes cookies? An ana-‘confectioner’.
13. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A ‘pie-thon’.
14. Why did the snake go to the doctor? He had a reptile dysfunction.
15. What’s a snake’s favorite subject? Hiss-tory!
16. What do you call a snake that builds things? A boa constructor.
17. What do you use to cut a snake’s hair? Snap-on tools.
18. Why did the snake lose his case in court? Because there was no appeal.
19. Why do snakes never become rich? They have problems with the ‘scale’ of economy.
20. How does a snake shoot something? With a ‘boa’ and arrow.
21. Why did the snake join the school band? He wanted to play the ‘mamba’-rine.
22. Why do snakes always lose in court? They have no legs to stand on.
23. What did the baby snake say when it finally hatched? It’s about ‘darn’ time!
24. What do you call a snake that bounces? A rubber boa.
25. What do you call a snake that works in a kitchen? A chef-adder.
26. What do you call a snake that likes to play cards? A wild cobra.
27. Why do snakes always know the square footage of their home? Because they have their own ‘scales’.
28. What do you call a snake who is the president of a company? A boa-rd member.
29. What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A viper-liner.
30. Why don’t snakes bite tax inspectors? Even they have some standards!

Final Thoughts: Wrapping Up with Our Funnest Snake Humor

We’ve wriggled through a jungle of hilarity and rattled up the laughter with our slithering pals. Whether you’re after a quick giggle or a belly-ache inducing chortle, these snake jokes and puns are just a ‘hiss’ away. Keep these at the ready to charm your friends and family with a dose of ‘ssss’pectacular humor. Remember, laughter is the best antidote for any venomous day!