Time Puns and Squid Jokes: 80 Hilarious Quips to Tick Your Funny Bone

Ever feel like time’s just ticking away? Why not have a giggle at its expense? Dive into our collection of hilarious time puns that will surely make every second count.

Whether you’re clock-watching or just need a timely laugh, these puns are the perfect time-out!

Time Puns

Time Puns That’ll Make You Watch Out for More

Time’s ticking, but puns make every second pun-derful! Here’s a collection that’s truly timeless:

  1. Time flies when you’re having puns.
  2. Having a broken watch is a timely problem.
  3. Right on “time” – says the punctual clock.
  4. What’s the thyme’s favorite period? The seasoning!
  5. Time’s not wasted when you’re getting wasted.
  6. I’m reading a timeless book about clocks.
  7. Time you enjoy wasting isn’t wasted thyme.
  8. Minutes are just tiny little hours.
  9. Time’s favorite game? Seconds, please!
  10. You’re sew late, said the needle to the thread.
  11. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  12. Clocks are hour best friends.
  13. I’m a watch’s worst nightmare: a time eater!
  14. “I’m second to none!” boasted the minute.
  15. Why did the time go on a diet? Too many seconds!
  16. Every minute you don’t laugh, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
  17. Time sure does march on, especially for marching bands.
  18. It’s time to stop, said the clock to the stop sign.
  19. My calendar’s days are numbered.
  20. Don’t stopwatch you’re doing just for a pun.
  21. I’d give you a clock joke, but you wouldn’t second it.
  22. A stitch in time saves a clock from unravelling.
  23. Better three hours too soon, than one minute too late!
  24. Wristwatches: the bonds of time.
  25. Time management is an alarming skill.
  26. The time is ripe… said the fruit clock.
  27. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use a metronome.
  28. Time flies, but arrows fly faster.
  29. Clock jokes are timeless, but they can tick you off.
  30. Have a grand(time)father clock, and you’ll always be punctual.

Tick-tock, that’s the sound of your chuckles on the clock. Hope these puns have given you a good “time”!

Time Jokes

Squid Jokes: Dive Deep into Seafood Laughter

Don’t watch the clock, it’s time to chuckle! Here’s 30 of our finest time-tastic jokes:

  1. Why did the clock go to school? To learn about the times!
  2. How do you fix a broken watch? With time glue.
  3. Why was the belt clock arrested? It was waist-ing time!
  4. I once bought a watch from a thief… I think it was stolen time.
  5. Why did the time-traveler stop writing? He faced a paradox.
  6. What do you call a grandfather clock? An old timer!
  7. What’s a clock’s favorite dance? The Tik-Tok.
  8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… of time!
  9. I’d tell you a time travel joke, but you didn’t like it.
  10. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including time!
  11. How do you save time? You treasure every second.
  12. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
  13. I lost track of time, now I’m in a race against it!
  14. Why was the calendar feeling down? Its days were numbered.
  15. Time’s favorite instrument? The hourglass!
  16. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down… much like time.
  17. I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament but good players are hard to find… and time’s always ticking!
  18. My clock broke, now it’s second to none!
  19. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew… especially with time on my plate!
  20. Why was the math book sad? It had too many time problems.
  21. Watches: The most time-consuming accessory.
  22. Why don’t clocks go to college? Because they already have too many hours!
  23. How does the ocean manage its time? Tide-ly.
  24. I tried to catch fog yesterday… Mist it by just a second!
  25. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing, and knew it was out of time!
  26. When I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised… and time stood still.
  27. Time waits for no man… except when man’s watching the kettle.
  28. I know someone who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
  29. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired and ran out of time!
  30. If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness? Especially if it’s a stolen timepiece?

Whether you’re looking to pass the time, or just in for a quick chuckle, always remember – time’s always on your side for a good joke!

Time One Liners

Clock-In with Time One-Liners

Time’s ticking, and so is our wit! Dive into these crisp one-liners that play with every tick and tock:

  1. Time’s a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.
  2. Time flies, but memories stay put.
  3. You can’t recycle wasted time.
  4. Better late than never, but never late is better.
  5. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it just makes them older.
  6. Time is money, especially when you’re paid by the hour.
  7. Time waits for none, except a good cup of coffee.
  8. Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
  9. Don’t watch time; it never stops.
  10. I tried to time travel, but I was a second off.
  11. Every moment wasted is a moment you can’t get back.
  12. When time flies, make sure you’re the pilot.
  13. Time might be on your side, but are you on time’s side?
  14. Don’t spend time, invest it.
  15. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
  16. Time’s the most valuable thing a person can spend.
  17. We all have time to spend or waste, and it is our decision what to do with it.
  18. The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
  19. Time is a created thing, to say ‘I don’t have time’ is to say ‘I don’t want to.’
  20. Time is the wisest of all things that are; for it brings everything to light.

Calamari Puns and Final Chuckles

Embrace every tick, treasure every tock. These puns, jokes, and one-liners serve as a reminder that humor and time are invaluable companions in life. Make sure to savor each laugh, one second at a time!

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